Today I Don't Get It

Ecclesiastes 6

I'm going to be totally honest here - that was my intent at the start of this whole thing.  Last night I had a major revelation about a deep spiritual need in my life.  I don't yet have the right words to quantify what it is to you.  I have some misguided understanding of love, I think.  I have a really hard time with humility and the thought of being "slow to anger" is so foreign to me that you might as well say those words in another language.  I get the feeling this will be a process for God to shed some light on this dark part of my heart.  But I'm a go-getter.  I recognize a need and I want to get to work - immediately!  So I really wanted my study today to be about that issue.  But that's not what I'm getting and I'm confused.

As I read this passage today, I related to the idea that most of what we pursue on earth is meaningless chasing of the wind.  As a society, the things we put most of our money, time, effort and talents into don't amount to much.  The notion that living for God is of utmost importance is not a novel concept to me.  I get it.

So today, I don't have a pretty bow to wrap this entry up in.  I guess that's part of being authentic with you - even though I desperately want to convey how intensely God moves in my life, there are days when I don't get it.  I think I know what is best for me and He has a different plan in mind.  Today I practice hope and trust in Him.  I fully expect that He will change my heart and loves me enough to send all the right resources my way.