Wisdom

Proverbs 2:1-3:24

Wisdom is today's central theme.  The assignment is to consider what it would be like to pursue wisdom with all your might.  First, let's define it.  My study Bible says "the basic idea behind wisdom is skill...  The book of Proverbs uses the word wisdom to speak of the skill of living in a way that honors God..."  Proverbs 2 tells us to turn our ears to wisdom; to apply our hearts to understanding; to call out for insight; to cry aloud for understanding.  The Scripture goes on to say that we should "search for it as for hidden treasure."  The common link is action - the verbs in this Scripture aren't passive.

turn, apply, call out, cry aloud, search

In my mind, I assumed wisdom was one of those things that just happened to you when you got old.  Wisdom was a nice way of describing a person who had been through a lot and had good advice to give you.  Words of wisdom were given by your grandpa.  The idea to pursue it means that it's something to be achieved.  How exciting!

How can one obtain wisdom?

After Solomon asks God for wisdom and knowledge, God's response in 2 Chronicles 1:11-  is, "Since this is your heart's desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you."

Ok - so, one would deduce that you need to ask for wisdom.  That makes sense, after all, considering God's in charge of everything.  It's interesting to note that God pointed out that Solomon didn't ask to be rich or honored or to live a long life.  His heart's desire was truly for wisdom.  So, not only should we ask for wisdom, but we should also be checking our heart's desire.  Often times, I notice that I might pray and even think Biblically, but my heart is bent on rebellion.  I constantly have to check my true desires and dig to make sure I'm wanting God's approval above all else.  I will be very honest and confess that my heart really loves other people's approval - my husband, my parents, other professionals, my friends... Pretty much everyone else.  Galations 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."  Right now I am doing the Beth Moore study, Living Beyond Yourself.  This week I learned that the greek word for please is aresko and it means to fit, to gratify, to accommodate oneself to, or to be acceptable.  I think it would be beneficial to me to check myself by asking if I'm trying to fit in or gratify someone else... Am I trying to be accepted or please God?  Am I accommodating to someone else?  Scripture doesn't mince any words here. When I am trying to fit in and seek others' approval - I AM NOT A SERVANT OF CHRIST.  ouch.

Matthew 7:24 says, "everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock."  So, wisdom would also include hearing God's word and putting it into practice.  I want my house, my life to be built the rock of God's word.

Lord, give me wisdom!  I confess that my heart desires things of this world all the time.  Change me!  Make me a servant for you.  I understand that means I will stand out - I will look different.  Help me to seek your approval instead of everyone else's because I don't even know where to start.

Ya'll know what happens when you ask God for these things, right?  He will give me the opportunity to trust Him on this...  I'll keep you updated.

Big

Psalm 148

I was never one of those people that had a love for the psalms.  Truly, I don't mean that disrespectfully, it's just that I am a thinker, type A kinda girl.  So, all the feely, emotionally charged words of the psalmists kinda made it hard for me to focus.  That's one of the beauties of this Bible study - without spoon feeding me, it encourages a deeper and more introspective look at God's Word.

I need to rewind just a bit so you will understand the power in how God moved today.   A few weeks ago, this same study challenged me to start a new habit that would be glorifying to God; something every day.  So, I began making it a point to pray on my knees every morning.  This morning, I was on my knees in the kitchen.  Isn't prayer a wonderful thing?  I mean, God knows my heart even better than me, but in prayer He communicates with me.  For those that don't believe, this sounds nuts.  It should - because it is supernatural and amazing.  Anyway, I'm on my knees and as I start talking to God, I realize that I'm totally bogged down by the laundry list of stuff going on in my life.  So He changed my focus.  Instead of communicating with Him about my stuff, I began recounting His glory.  I started thinking about his "bigness..."  How my life was only a second, really; a minuscule blurb in time.  All this stuff going on, these problems that I have, He knows them and He knows they matter to me, but ultimately finding Him in each one of those issues is the solution, in and of itself.

End scene on that awesome prayer time.

I started my study and Psalm 148 is on today's agenda.  I immediately chuckled out loud because it's essentially my prayer.   God's awesome like that.  The study challenged me to really spend some time meditating on the vividness of the passage and to visualize all the creatures of the earth.  Finally, I was supposed to pick the attribute of God that was most powerful after this prayer and meditation time.

big  

/big/

Adjective Of considerable size, extent, or intensity.

Noun The major league in a professional sport.

Synonyms large - great - grand - high - bulky - important

The attribute of God that stands out to me today is his bigness.  His infinite ability.  His everywhere-ness and everything-ness.  His inescapable and incomparable giant-ness; and in comparison to my small-ness, nothing else matters. 

I'm laying down my stuff at the foot of the cross today.

Coffee With a Dash of Conviction

Psalm 145

My study this morning points out the repetition of the words "all" and "every" in this psalm.  The instructions are to think about who all might include that I've never considered before.

Verses:
9 - God is good and has compassion to all He made
10 - All will praise Him
12 - So all men will know of His mighty acts
13 - God's dominion endures through all generations; God is faithful to all His promises; He is loving towards all He made
14 - God upholds all who fall and all who are bowed down
15 - The eyes of all look to God
16 - God satisfies the desires of every living thing
17 - The Lord is righteous in all His ways; loving toward all He made
18 - The Lord is near to all who call Him
20 - God watches over all who love Him; destroys all the wicked

I think it's easy to imagine that God is compassionate and loving towards "good christians."  It's much more difficult to imagine God loving the bad... It's much harder for me to imagine God loving people who hurt children, people who murder, people who steal, people who have turned their back on Him.
The hard truth is, though, I'm not better than those people.  James 2:10 says, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." My haughty, self-rightous, pious attitude so often tells me that I am better than those people.  It's a tough pill to swallow when I realize I am one of those people.  We all are.  If we could just wake up and realize we aren't any better. Wouldn't we show more compassion instead of judgment?

We Christians today love to hear the sound of our own voices. We love to tout Bible verses to all the sinners out there.  You can't turn on the TV or read your facebook news feed without one of us Christians condemning the sins of another.  We mask it with politics or righteousness, but really, it's sin and pride.  Remember the Chick-fil-A scandal?  I purposely kept quiet, but I was totally saddened at the  reactions of my brothers and sisters in Christ...  Instead of sharing God's love, grace, or compassion, we literally lined up and persecuted people.  And people's disrespect towards our president is shameful.  I'm not saying you have to agree with President Obama, but Romans 13:1-2 (emphasis mine) says, "Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities.  For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.  Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves."  When we react in a volatile way to various social and political issues, we are indicating fear - that we don't trust that God really does have all of this under control!

Humility...

The second part of today's lesson asks which phrases stand out most about God's goodness.  Verses 4-6 resonate with me because I want to be a part of getting God's story out.  I want to tell others about the glorious splendor of His majesty.  I would be honored to have someone hear my story as a testament to God's awesome works and great deeds.  Jesus' great commission is really important to me (Matthew 28:18-20).  To make disciples of all nations...and to teach others to obey everything He commanded us - I want to be a part of that.

A Father's Love

Psalm 139

Verse 1 says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me."  He knows everything about my life and the psalm goes on to say in verse 12 that, "even the darkness will not be dark to you..."  I find great comfort in knowing that God already knows me fully - I cannot hide from Him.  I don't have to put on an act or pretend to be anyone that I'm not.  He knows my past and my future and He "hems me in" like stitching in fabric.

I know this to be true because I have experienced my share of darkness.  There was a time that I was so lost in sin that I thought I'd escaped God - I thought I could bathe in self-pity and immerse myself in things that the world told me would make the pain go away.  God's love was so great that He let me go there - to that dark place.  He let me go because He knew I would return with a renewed zeal for Him.

He didn't let me go alone, though. 

I remember being pretty deeply entrenched during this season of my life, but God was still there in the form of a friend who didn't let me push her away.  My junk, my crap, my sin didn't scare her and she didn't judge me.  I know she was deeply saddened by my willful disobedience, but she didn't lecture me.  She didn't pretend to be ok with what I was doing, either - but she was obedient to God's calling as a friend to me at that time.  So when David says in verse 8, "... if I make my bed in the depths, you are there," I can relate.

Verses 23 & 24 are some of my very favorites. "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Those words - "test me." I know that God gives me these opportunities to bring my "anxious thoughts" to Him so that He can get me through it.  Already this morning my daddy has called...

(I digress for back story)  My dad is 82 years old and has Parkinson's Disease.  He lives at home in Stuttgart by himself.  His Parkinson's is quite advanced and he is quite the stubborn one, which makes for an exciting adventure trying to convince him of what he needs to do.   Since having the baby 10 months ago, I have found it increasingly difficult to juggle being the daughter my daddy needs and the wife and mother my family needs.  It's a constant struggle for me.Ok, back to the testing... Daddy is "stuck" again.  Since his Parkinson's is so advanced, he often get stuck in various places at the house, meaning he literally can't get his legs to do what his mind is telling them to do.  (must be beyond frustrating).  When this happens, he calls me to get him some help.  Invariably, this incites some anxiety for me because I am an hour away and there's really not a lot I can do!  Nonetheless, I've called physical therapists, nurses, aids and family members this morning looking for some help with no avail.  Now is one of those times I need to trust God.  Everything in me wants to freak out - get mad - get sad - get something... But there's nothing more I can do right now, so I'm trying desperately to trust that God will take care of daddy.

Like a child

Psalm 131

It's only 3 verses.

The insanely powerful words of God can bring me to tears in only 3 verses.

"O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me.  Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me.  O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever."

Now, at first, I was like, "Ok, that was good... But, I don't really feel God saying anything."  I felt a push to keep digging.  So I read a few different versions of this Scripture from NIV and the Message.  I even listened to my iPhone app of the James-Earl-Jones-esque narrator reading the KJV version.  Still, good stuff, but no mountains moving.  I continue digging...  I googgled some commentaries and then - it happened.  That magical moment when God allows Scripture to come alive and change you.   YES LORD!

(commentary paraphrased from biblestudytools.com) "It is no easy thing to quiet yourself... We are clamorous, uneasy, petulant; and nothing but grace can make us quiet under afflictions, irritation and disappointments."  The commentary goes on to say that, "it is a blessed mark of growth out of spiritual infancy when we can forego the joys which once appeared to be essential, and can find our solace in him who denies them to us..."

And up onto my soapbox I climb...

I've been wrestling with how real I plan on getting with this blog... How transparent am I realllly going to be?  After all, I do have an image to maintain.  I am a professional - what if they think less of me?  What if I lose friends?  What if people see me for...who...I...really...am?????

The cobwebs of my past are flashing in front of me now.  I say I've never been ashamed of my "story" because, really - it's God's story.  He has all the glory to redeem and change me!  But, truthfully, I'm ashamed.  I'm embarrassed.  Does anyone else struggle, here?  My story isn't smooth.   I saw things and experienced sin that many of my closest friends and people in my circle have never seen.  The fact that I look like a mainstreamed good girl, God-loving, church-going, southern, stay-at-home-mama now is nothing short of a MIRACLE! Believe me - I know with certainty that "nothing but grace can make us quiet under afflictions..." and I know the difficulty of "foregoing the joys which once appeared to be essential..." and I live the peace of "finding solace in HIM who DENIES" what once had the veil of joy.

The author of this psalm says in verse 2, "... like a weaned child is my soul within me." A weaned child.   Since I'm nursing my baby, I get the power of this verse.  A baby needs his mama.  God made it that way and it is beautiful and exhausting and incredible.  But at some point, that baby has to wean.  He has to learn and grow and mature and eat at the table with everyone else... I don't know that I'm spiritually weaned, but man am I jealous for that!  I am salivating at the thought of being content knowing that God's provision will come.  Bring on that maturity, Lord!  It's the process of being weaned that is difficult.  Just like the commentary author says, "the child is denied his comfort, and therefore frets and worries... He is facing his first great sorrow and is sore in distress.  Yet time brings not only alleviations, but the ending of the conflict." Each battle; each difficulty; each hurdle we cross brings us closer to the table of God - spiritually weaning us into a mature and quiet relationship with Him.

Idols on a Hill

Psalm 121

I read today's psalm... Like 5 times.  But today is one of those days that I'm really bothered by something going on in my life.  I have an issue that I need to discuss with my dear friend.  This is making it pretty difficult to concentrate on what God is telling me in today's study.  I'm searching for relevance in the Scripture - I know it's applicable.  What in the world do you do in this situation?  My heart is burdened and I feel a strong need to talk to her, but I know that God comes first!  I'm going to read the Scripture again and pray for God to quiet my mind so that I can hear Him and not me...

Ask and you shall receive...

The first 2 verses of this psalm are, "I lift my eyes up to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  My study bible goes on to explain that as these worshipers approached Jerusalem, they saw hills and many of these hills were used as alters to worship pagan deities.  This makes me think of present-day deities; things we worship in our culture today.  I don't have a buddha lying around or anything, but the truth is I struggle with pagan worship all the time and I see many Christians around me struggling, too.  I am bothered by the fact that we don't call it out more often.  Shouldn't we hold each other more accountable?  I know that must verge on judgment, but I have the feeling that the need to not hurt each others feelings overrides the need to help one another stay true to God's commands.  Well, let me speak for myself, at least.

This notion of idol worship has been very relevant in my household recently.  God is using people like Tim Keller to usher in, in my opinion, a much needed revolution in our society.  This gets my blood boiling!!!!  My husband, Justin, and I have been discussing the idea that the major sin in our lives is placing other things before God...  It's a plague of deception that Satan uses to keep Christians in the "mushy middle" and from really going all in for God.  For instance, my marriage is Godly and sanctified, but if I'm not careful, I can easily place Justin over God.  Of course, this isn't done consciously... I do this with all sorts of things - my baby, money, clothes, food (especially sweets), nice things for the house, going out, friends, and the list could go on allllll daaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy....  In my circle, I see others struggling to place their children's education, safety, appearance of "godliness" and being a "good Christian," and people pleasing before God's will, also.

Ok, I have to reign myself back in.

So, verses 1 & 2 remind me to look to God for satisfaction; to look to God for everything!  He made the heaven and the earth and His will, if I truly seek it out, will satisfy more than the "hills..."  What are your hills?  Where does your help come from?  What are you afraid of? Do you really trust God?

I say that I do - trust God, that is.  I believe that I do, most of the time... But then again, don't actions speak louder than words?

I have a nasty little hang up called anxiety.  I spent much of my preteen, teenage, and young adult life dealing with this anxiety with a variety of therapists, anti-depressants, and self medication.  (I am NOT knocking meds or mental health professionals. God totally used these things in healthy ways in my life to get me through tough times...)  The problem for me now is that when I get anxious, I think the underlying problem is that I don't trust God.  I don't really believe He's going to work insert issue here out in my life.  Therefore, I must fix it.  Oh sure, God is omnipotent, but He's probably too busy to worry about my measly budget issues... Oh yeah, His forgiveness is as far as the east is from the west, but I'm realllly angry with so-and-so.

Philipians 4:6-7 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transceds all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." And all God's people said?  Can I get an Amen?

Ugh....

Lord, my heart is so dark.  Thank you for weeding this out in me.  Keep on working, Lord.  Draw me near to you and far away from those hills...

Panting for God

Psalm 119

This was reallly long... I found myself having to constantly redirect and start over as my mind would drift.  That's kind of embarrassing to admit.  Here I am, blessed with God's Word and I am having a hard time concentrating?!

Anyways - the first portion of today's study says to "explore your attitudes or preconceived ideas about God's Message... Be brutally honest... Think of ways you could value God's Message more and find yourself more attentive to what it has to say."  So, I read the passage BEFORE I read my assignment.  I'm sure it's no coincidence.

Hmmm, what are my preconceived ideas about God's Word?  Off the cuff, I really do believe that "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness."(2 Tim. 3:16).  I know it's vital to my walk with Christ.  I get that.  I will admit that getting in the Word sometimes feels like a chore.  I think the enemy attempts to distract me with all the other million t hings that need to get done during Holden's first nap.  I struggle sometimes with wanting to take a long shower or wanting to fix my hair, for once.  Often, I do my study out of obligation.  But is that a bad thing, necessarily?  I don't know... There are times that I have that nagging voice saying, "I don't wannnna do my study," but then, low and behold, God will WRECK me that day (in a good way).  And there are days that I just do my study... I know my junk gets in the way, but I am committed to being in God's Word consistently.

I recently resigned from my job as a speech pathologist.  I loved my job.  And loathed it at the same time.  It was extremely difficult for me to go back to work after having my baby.  I felt like such a diva because I went back part time and it was still extremely hard.  Like, the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I struggled with feeling guilt over not wanting to work - am I just lazy or is God calling me to do this?  Admittedly, I was in the word intermittently before Holden. Some days I would get up and read a bit, some days I didn't.  So when our pastor guided us to God's calling in our families lives, I quit - and I felt like I finally had time to devote some real attention to God.  And honestly, I do.  There is no doubt that I have changed a TON since I quit in November.  (just ask my husband).  I am living proof that God's Word will teach, rebuke, correct and train.  And still, there are days that I don't want to do it.   What a bratty attitude that is...   (said in my best preteen whine) "Daddy, I know you have given me everything - literally, everything...  But today, I don't wanna interact with you.  Can't I just watch TV?"

No wonder He calls us children.

How could I value God's Word more?  I don't know. I need to continue to call out my crappy attitude and to remain committed.  I also know that I have to repent.  Own my junk and confess that to God.  I know that I can't change myself and innately, I am wrecked with sin.  So, I have to ask Him to change me since I can't change me.  The psalmist says in Psalm 119:10, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you," and in verse 16, "I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word."

God is speaking through today's lesson, for sure.  Specifically, He is reminding me of my extreme need for His guidance in my life.  He is reminding me to be humble and remember that I am nothing without His direction.  He is encouraging me to stay committed to Him even when it doesn't feel good.

I hope to need God like I need water to survive.  The psalmist says in verse 13 that he pants for God's commands (my paraphrase).  Today, I hope to need God so much that I pant for him.

How Quickly We Forget

Psalm 106

The assignment begins with the instruction, "Listen for a word or phrase that says in some small way, 'I am here for you today.'" What sticks out to me is that God's people continuously turn their backs on Him.  Verse 13 says, "They soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for his counsel." Verse 20, "They exchanged their Glory..." for idols.  Verse 21, "They forgot the God who saved them." Verse 24, "They did not believe his promise." Verse 28, "They yoked themselves" to idols. Verse 33, "they rebelled." Verse 36, "they worshipped their idols."  Verse 43, "many times he delivered them, but they were bent on rebellion and they wasted away in their sin."

But.........

Verse 44-45, "He took note of their distress when he heard their cry; for their sake he remembered his covenant and out of his great love he relented."

Whew... That's my story in a nutshell.  I sin. I turn my back on this amazing God who saves me from destruction time and time again.  I forget him.  I rebel.  I worship my idols of comfort and money and culture and being liked and shopping... I am constantly wasting away in my sin.  But he hears my cries and he loves me.  The thought shakes me to my core.  He loves me.

The definition of relent is to abandon or mitigate a harsh intention or cruel treatment; to become less severe or intense.  This is so true for me.  God sent Jesus to mitigate my death.  What's insane is that in my sin and myself, I will choose destruction every time.  Thanking God today for grace.  Without Him, I would never choose righteousness.  Thanking God for changing me to sweeten the taste of goodness. Because all too often, I think the things of this world look so good.  So many times, it seems that easiness would just be better.  You know, not having to live so tightly or have a sacrificial mind set.  The righteous things seem so hard.  What's amazing is that God knows that so he sweetens the deal.  When I'm in line with His commands, I feel a sense of peace that can only be attributed to Him.  That's not to say it's easy.  Quitting my job wasn't easy.  Not buying a bigger house or passing on the take out isn't easy.  It sucks.  Not having a new pair of designer jeans sucks.  But there's an immense peace, too. That is God.

The last portion of my study charges me to create an Ebenezer for myself.  In Hebrew, that means "stone of help."  It can be used to refer to anything spiritually significant.  In summary of today's lesson, I would say I am reminded that I am bent on rebellion, but GOD HAS A GREAT LOVE FOR ME.  To remind myself of this truth I will write this phrase on my bathroom mirror so that as I look at my rebellious self, I will also see that God's love overpowers sin!

aaaaaand go...

I have no idea what I am doing on a blog... None.

Nonetheless, I am proceeding forward.

Most every morning I do my quiet time.  Right now, I'm doing The Message//Remix: Solo.  God is totally and radically transforming me and I have been feeling pressed to be more transparent.  One of the things that irks me the most, especially with women, is that we all paint these happy, perfect pictures of ourselves and our families and our lives.  I am totally guilty of this, of course.  Recently, though, God has been pressing in and challenging me to be more honest with myself and with others.  Hence, this blog thing.

In an effort to be radically obedient, I am planning on blogging my responses to my Bible study with total faith that He has a plan for this.

Here goes...