Living in the Light

Proverbs 20

Proverbs 20:27 The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.

I like the visualization of God being a lamp to our souls...  He searches the darkest parts of our hearts and He brings what seeks to destroy us into the light.  Have you ever tried to navigate your house at night without light?  Even though it's your house, you know where things are, you still find yourself unsure - arms outstretched like a toddler learning to walk for the first time.  You're using your sense of touch to try to orient yourself in this newly unfamiliar world.  Frustrated as you bump into that coffee table, a little nervous as you feel down the hallway, knowing that flashlight is somewhere...

That is Satan - the prince of darkness.  He wants us stumbling over ourselves, unsure of where to turn - even in our own lives.  In Acts 26:18, Jesus told Paul while on the road to Damascus that he was to be a servant and his job was "to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."  Lets not mince words that the Enemy wants us in the dark.  Secrets, shame, fear... That is NOT GOD.

So many of us are living in the dark.  Maybe not fully, but we are hiding parts of our lives - those secret places, things you don't want others to know about.  Friends, there is so much joy in living in the light.  For me, I struggle with what others' opinions are.  I'm often worried that I will be judged and I won't be liked.   My past is definitely something I try to keep in the dark.  The truth is, though, that God has brought me out of many a treacherous situation, and it's for His glory!  So, I suppose I'll let you in on a tidbit of my story...

Being a kid wasn't easy.  As I grew up, I carried a lot of baggage and generational sin around and that let me into some pretty destructive behavior.  Nonetheless, by 15, I had developed a pattern of codependency on men.  For the following 10 years or so, I repeatedly sought a guy to love - or fix, thinking that would give my life some purpose.  In my mind, if I loved this broken guy enough, then he would get better and then I could be loved... This works-based love scenario never did work out, though.  Obviously, we can't earn love.  Not Godly love.  The result of choosing these men was that I was their emotional punching bag, to say the least.  And if I'm really honest with you, some part of me reveled in being a martyr.  At least I could say that I wasn't at fault... That this guy was sooo bad - look at what he did or said.  That's just another form of pride, though.  Through all of those experiences and keeping the focus on myself, I never really developed my identity in Jesus.  I think that quest is ongoing today.  Praise to God that I married a wonderful, God-fearing man who is teaching me every day what it is like to receive the right kind of love! 

God is still searching out all of the pain hidden in me and though it's often extremely painful to face, I'm healing and more whole in Him.  That is the joy of knowing Christ.  That, my friends, is the difference between walking alone and walking with God.   Stumbling in the dark versus living in the light.  You don't have to have the answers.  In fact, you will never find them on your own.  But this Gentle, Loving, Friend of mine - He has them and He loves you enough to heal those bruised areas of your life; bringing those pieces of your secret life to light, one at a time.  Giving you freedom to really live.