Past, Present, Future

Ecclesiastes 11:7-12:8

My heart is broken in a million pieces this morning.  My tiny baby is about to turn one and despite my earnest efforts of perspective, I am just so sad.  Infant-hood, in all its cliche, flew by.  It's hitting me that life has officially hit fast forward and there is nothing I can do.  I keep pushing pause, but it appears that the batteries are dead or something.  The dang remote isn't working!  *sigh*

In true God-fashion, Holden's growing is juxtaposed against my father's aging.  As I'm watching Holden get stronger every day, I am witnessing my dad grow weaker.  Holden is learning to walk and daddy requires more and more assistance just to move his feet off the ground.  To say this season of my life is difficult isn't entirely accurate though.  On one hand, I am more full of joy and peace than I've ever been.  I have to attribute this to an increased awareness of God and consistent prayer and Bible study.  But it is true, also, that I am struggling greatly with the progressive decline of my daddy.   It's so incredibly hard to see our relationship change.  He has always been my rock, my rescuer.  Now, it's like I don't even know him anymore.  I want to blame it on Parkinson's.  I want to hate the disease.

Obviously, my reading in Ecclesiastes is no coincidence.  Shameless plug for God's omniscience.

Though I find the author of Ecclesiastes to be quite cynical, he has a point.  I see my daddy struggling in his old age with the, "days of trouble." (Ecc. 12:1)  The visualization of the strong men stooping (vs 3) matches perfectly with dad's posture as he continues to struggle to stand upright.  The chapter goes on to describe aging, coming to the conclusion that life is meaningless.   Vain, futile, pointless...  Gill's exposition of the Bible asserts that the wise man set out in the beginning of the book of Ecclesiastes to prove that wisdom, wealth, honors, pleasures, profit, happiness, things "under the sun" are meaningless.  Everything in life is meaningless.  Happiness lies not in things of this world, but in the knowledge and fear of God, alone.

After my frustration with the cynical tone of the book of Ecclesiastes, I think I get it.  Especially when the truth of my own life's circumstances are held up to the wise man's tests.  No matter how much I try to be present with Holden... Even if I am able to get my dad the best of the best physical therapy... At the end of the day, this life is a breath.  It will pass.  Quickly.  He sums up the book of Ecclesiastes with wisdom tantamount to God's revelation in verses 13-14:

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

That's it.  Fear God and keep his commandments.  There is no use mourning Holden's infancy. There's no point in missing the daddy of my youth.  We are here - now.  And God is ever-present!  That's the good news!   I hope to fix my eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith and consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that I will not grow weary and lose heart.  (Hebrews 12: 2-3)